For quite some time now I have been walking down a lighted path toward the future. I had everything planned out: apply to graduate schools (mainly UT), finish senior year, graduate, then start my life as a grad student. I was so proud of myself for knowing what I was going to do months before graduation came. But yesterday crushed my aspirations, leaving me confused and bewildered in the darkness.
On Wednesday I made my way to the grand city of Austin. I was so excited--it was my first trip all by myself. I made tons of maps so I wouldn't get lost. I even had hotel reservations at the Holiday Inn. My reason for this trip was to talk to the history graduate school at UT. I spent Wednesday night finding my hotel, finding the building at UT I was suppose to go to tomorrow, and just touring downtown Austin. I went down 6th street and saw the capitol (so cool!).
My meeting was at 2:00 that afternoon. I made sure I looked casually formal, classy but not overdone. The meeting was very interesting and I gained a lot of information, some I didn't want to hear. The subject I wanted to do my masters in, Modern Europe, requires language experience in either German or French. The problem with that is I took Spanish back in high school. Shot number 1. Then I told her about my degree and how I was following a teaching plan. She said based on that degree it would be more beneficial to take a year or two off from school and enter the teaching field to get a taste of the work force. Shot number 2.
I was so confused and let down. I was basing everything on going to grad school before teaching. I walked around the campus for a little bit on my way to my car. I then started the drive back to Abilene. I'm very thankful that I was on the right highway because for the first 30 minutes I zoned out, deeply thinking about what my future plans would be. As of now I think I will enter the teaching field after graduation. But even that holds many uncertainties. What if I don't pass the certification test? What if no one hires me? Where will I be teaching? My world has been thrown for a loop and it's hard for me to accept it. I'm a person who enjoys plans and structure--at least with this sort of thing.
Well, I have a year to get use to this new plan so I will try to put all this behind me and live up my senior year as best as possible!
Friday, August 13, 2004
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4 comments:
I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying you for this situation. Just remember that you are an awesome woman of God and he will use you to reflect His glory no matter where you end up, and God has it all under control. :-)
Hang in there, EC!! It stinks when our lives don't go exactly according to our plans, but remember that God is still there and still in control!! I will be praying for you.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" Proverbs 19:21
Erin,
Hey, the darkness you're experiencing is not unlike many other's, including my own. Hang in there and believe that you have all that it takes. The future is wide open and that's exciting...but daunting. Know that we are with you on this one!
Teresa
i am definitely experiencing similar uncertainty, and it's good to know that others are able to sympathize, and i with them. ec, i am praying for you, and i know your sense of humour and faith will get you through anything...
...even not knowing the ending of "the butterfly effect" (which has been driving me nuts!). :-) keep on truckin'!
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